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Joined: 05 Mar 2008 Posts: 300 Location: Canary Islands
Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2008 12:16 pm Post subject: Shocking
I'm not at all satisfied with Hell's customer service. Earlier I sent a message to Satan himself with a complaint:
Quote:
I hear you're the one to talk to about... Well...
Being condemned?
Here's my problem - I requested eternal damnation a few weeks ago and I still haven't received it. I payed a good price for this (my soul!) so I believe I have the right to lodge a complaint.
I've contacted the Office of Demise Plotting in the Seventh Circle, and they are behind me every step of the way, as is the Soul Sales Department in the Fifth Circle.
Here is a copy of the letter I received from the Soul Sales Deparment:
----------------------------
Dear RobC1907,
Thankyou for ordering our special offer eternal damnation package. This package does not expire and will be credited to your account immediately. Your eternal damnation package includes the following exciting features!
A two-bedroom, one-bathroom apartment, situated in the Fourth Circle.
Amazing views over the River Styx, with a free boat ride back to the land of the living every other sunday.
A free meal in the Halls of Hades, every day.
Free, backstage access to the upcoming Britney Spears concert! The Office of Demise Plotting has her booked for next Tuesday.
And much, much more! You will be able to enjoy the full benefits of the eternal damnation package after one soul, human, is deducted from your account.
Thankyou!
Soul Sales Department,
Fifth Circle,
Hell,
SAT 666
----------------------------
As per the entry requirements my soul has been taken, but the package has not been credited to my account. Is there anything you can do to help me?
Thankyou, RobC1907.
And all I got back was a message telling me that their customer service was terrible. I want a full refund and a consolation one-week damnation package! _________________
'Cause love's such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night
And loves dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Having been here before myself, I can tell you that they're not keen on full refunds. It has something to do with licensing and trade agreements (apparently in some of the fine print you signed off on).
The most they ever refund is 85%, and lets face it, they're not much you can do with 85% of a soul... Though if it's any comfort, they may make good on your request for a complimentary week of damnation.
But then again, you might have better luck than me... I had to go get my own appartment in the first circle (which is like the ghetto of hell), and the only one I could find was a Nazi recruiting agency and a Jewish attorney's office... Ugh...
No, though, if they don't refund, you may as well just stick it out for the long haul. Try it out for a few thousand years... If that doesn't work out for you, I hear purgatory has a Limbo Special that only requires 50% of your soul and is good for any ammount of time. You might want to bring a deck of cards and a GameBoy though... _________________
Ah, Signature Changes...
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